my greatest (published and also unpublished) hits

AKA the (mostly) unfiltered ramblings of an insane man

Hello loyal followers and friends, here’s a little introduction to these works because I feel the need to explain myself. Being bisexual is cool but liking men gives one many mental illnesses. Of course not all of these poems are about a man, because why the hell would my art revolve around a man that isn’t me? Anyways, these are gonna go in chronological order, no dates or anything though because I’m too lazy to check my edit history on Google Docs. I hope you enjoy this reading experience, but do not speak of this with me in person because I will bite down on the cyanide pill I had surgically implanted in my cheek when I got my braces off. That is all.<3

Actually one extra thing, because we know I love to yap, honestly nobody should be surprised by the content of these works. I’ve publicly spoken about my deep love of Ethel Cain and more specifically her recent project Perverts. (Which is nothing but bangers by the way.) My point being: these are gonna get weird and kind of personal. But that’s the nature of poetry! I do hate being so vulnerable though (and saying that is also vulnerable… ough.) But fuck it we ball.

Okay without further ado, here’s the poetry I promised you!

A Fragment of a Larger Piece:

do you think a silent church

speaks to god

or is it still

empty and alone

abandoned by the creator

by the very thing it was built

to serve

TED Ed:

i wanna be like they were

to treat you like they treated her

to spread the word

far and wide

that someone special has come about

to repeat your words

a million times over

a minor deity

is what you would become

but i wouldn’t let them exile you

both of your names

start with e

enheduanna

and yours

in the middle

Inspired by Jaws by Sleep Token:

i want you

to swallow me

whole

so why

is my mouth open?

jaw unhinged

maw dripping foam

like a disobedient dog

with a toy it knows

it can’t shouldn’t have

but i can’t let it go

the feeling of your

throat

the bob of the apple

on a hot summer afternoon

in a cool pool of water

i swear i’ll keep you

safe in my bed

if you just

let go of her first

Little Sounds:

you said something earlier

a little gasp

a quiet word

between harsh breaths and

laughter

i knew it was wrong

but i replayed it over again

on my walk home

and i knew

i would have you

and whether you know it or not

i already do

Strawberries and Cigarettes (Danny’s Version):

i hate the way

you pull that stupid face

i hate the way

that it makes my heart race

laying in bed

thinking about the curve of your shoulder

the bareness of your skin

listening to troye sivan

like that’ll help me now

fuck

i hate the way i can’t help

but wonder what’s below it all

not just your clothes

though that too

are you just like me?

can you see it on my face?

i hope so

and i hope not

i don’t know what i’d do

if you’d coo over me

but i think i’d let you

Comparisons:

his shirt unbuttoned

a little flash of skin

a glimpse of what could’ve been

wish i could look like you

be like you

be with you

maybe if i get closer

touch you

feel you

i can understand

that glimmer in your eyes

when you look at me

how can you see

the very thing that everyone else

says they cannot?

Bomb Defusal:

i would bite through the wires

feel them fray in my mouth

the hot taste of metal

electricity burning

between us

inside me

the way you move

is so fluid

like water

and i can feel myself

short circuiting

all over again

Starry Eyed Lover:

do you like the way

i write about you?

the way the words seem to stumble

and trip and fall

right out of my mouth?

the way i can’t seem to stop

looking at you

staring when you’re not

paying any attention

but i look away

the second you get too close

i can’t help it

i was always weak

for a man

with stars in his eyes

could you complete my constellation?

The Beauty of the Soft Spot on Your Forehead Being Called a Temple:

i love looking

at you

the curve of your spine

the feeling of your shoulders

beneath my hands

when i push you down

to your knees

to pray for something

much bigger

than we could ever begin

to understand

you look like lucifer

from this angle

but like an omnipotent selfish god

i can’t help but let you stay

even if i know

you’ll be the beginning of the end

it was always nice

to have someone else

worship me for once

Poor Timing and Rhythm:

i don’t like to dance

you know this

but i like dancing with you

around the obvious

the sway of your hips

the curve of my mouth

the giggles we let out

when we think no one is watching

it’s almost scary

how in sync we are

despite not speaking

about anything important

will it always be like this?

i hope not

but i hope that in the future

we’ll be writing together

and not just for each other

It’s Not Time to Give Yet:

i never cared for cranberries

the juice

the flavor

i like the band though

that song they have

linger

it's a little sad

but i like the way she says

you got me wrapped around your finger

i only wish

i was wrapped around something else

So Cheesy:

i liked it

when you started laughing

and then you fell

into me

but i couldn’t pull away

didn’t want to

i hadn’t been drinking

but i felt intoxicated

you can guess why

there’s no need to ruin this poem

with cheesy metaphors

though i do love gouda

wait

what were we talking about again?

Molasses:

i think about you

spread out

the way you do

on that old couch

your limbs long and wide

reaching out to grab my thighs

have you ever thought about it?

i’m sure you have

i wish you would tell me about it

but i think we both know

i couldn’t handle the truth

but i want you

to know that i think about it too

every time we lock eyes

and the key in my chest

starts to carve out a hole

in my flesh

Original Gourmet Lollipop from the CVS on Highland:

i don’t usually talk so dirty

my mouth feels filthy

sugar coating my gums

i’m glad you don’t have to feel it

the sweetness rotting your teeth

but maybe if you put your hands on me

i could share just enough

for you to see what you do to me

Small Mouth:

i want to call you

jericho

you consume me

in a way no one else ever has

i want to break my jaw

crack open my ribs

maybe if i bare it all

you’ll finally notice

the way every song

seems to be about you

maybe if i give myself

lockjaw

you’ll see the key

dangling

from my spinal chord

That One Radiohead Song:

i’m so embarrassed

by the things i write

my compulsive need

to bare it all for you

despite our relative lack of kinship

i know it’s fun

to watch me stutter

and flounder

and drown

i wish i had gills

so i could suck the water

out of your lungs

out of your blood

and leave you

high and dry

oh wait

i already do

We love Steven:

pretty little words on the page

ink spilling from the cracks in your nails

blood dripping from your nose

the only thing missing from this scene

is the tears welling up in your eyes

but don’t worry sweetheart

i’ll put them there for you

i’ll make the picture perfect

so perfect a camera could never capture

the sheer joy on my face

when i break your ribcage open

and crawl inside

you’ll never get away

from the sound of the man who loved you

at least that’s what steven said

Daydreaming:

i wish anubis was a real man

at least he would be honest with me

standing guard on judgement day

watching my heart land next to the quill

it would float

and i would watch

as yours sunk

ammit opening his mouth

fangs as sharp as the tears stinging your eyes

you always knew this would happen

a blood splatter

and suddenly i’m back in the museum

staring back at king tut

i guess daydreams really do come true

Obedient Hunger:

Ammit,

would rip your heart out of your chest

roll around with your body on the floor

the scales taunting you

as you felt your chest rattle

with your last breath

and i would watch with glee

as he handed me a rib

all for me?

i would ask

my mouth wider than the river nile

and he would nod

his eyes locked on yours

glassy like marbles

i think he’s still hungry

but i can feel my stomach growling too

do you think i could have a taste?

and he would let me

how sweet of him

i’ve always loved a man

who can do what he’s told

Siri Play Family Tree by Ethel Cain:

my father set such a good example

unconditional love and strong arms

one time he told me

never bring a man home

who treats you like trash

or i’ll beat his ass

and probably yours too

for disrespecting yourself like that

you know i raised you better than that

and as i felt the sweat bead down my neck

staring into the sun on that museum wall

i knew i couldn’t let him down

i’d look terrible with a black eye after all

Counting Stars:

you’re a very lucky man

that the gods of old haven’t found you yet

i bet they’d have a fun time

with a sinner like yourself

like the river nile they’d drown you

in taunts so harsh

you’d choke on your own tears

snot filling your stomach cavity

from the hole left in your chest

when ammit took a bite of you

and devoured your ribs

she tried to chew on your heart

but the bitter ashy taste coated her taste buds

and left her coughing like a smoker

but anubis took over for her

grabbed your neck and squeezed

until you saw stars

can you tell me now

how many constellations there are?

*In Markiplier’s Voice* I’m Not a Masochist! :

stars in your eyes

when i broke your jaw

i saw it there

in the back of your throat

crawling up like a spider lily

ah, so you do like it

you’re addicted to the feeling

of someone caring about you enough

to hate you

i’d call it masochism

but i think this is something far more pathetic

self mutilation?

i don’t know for sure

but i know this

i won’t entertain it for much longer

even if it is funny

to watch you claw at your eyes

like a dog scratching at the door

begging to be let back in

Amphora:

i can’t help

the way i feel about it

the overwhelming urge to see you

with tears streaming down your cheeks

face red and blotchy

like an ancient piece of pottery

snot covering your jaw

your maw open wide

whimpers and gasps for air

pleas to something greater than thee

begging for something you’ll never have

i know you think about it too

maybe if you apologize

properly this time

tears and all

we can both have what we’re craving

The Boy Who Cried Wolf:

i find it funny

how needy you are

the way you sit

on your hands and knees

begging for thirst

crying out for the wolf

you put yourself here

is that something you like

doing?

i would guess so

given how devoted you are

to the idea of me

doe eyed:

i often sit and think

about how it would feel

to have you

beneath me

not in a sexual way

of course

but rather in the way a deer

looks down at a flower

that it’s about to trample

something so innocent

should never cause such violence

yet here we are

Ryd With Me:

if i had it my way

you’d never leave my dreams

alone

we’d be sat in my car

drinking cherry coke

the A/C would be blasting

the music would be quiet

and you would look over at me

do you feel it yet?

you would ask

but i would stare ahead

it’s better to keep your eyes

on the road ahead

on dark nights

like these

but i would reach over

and place a hand on your knee

not too close

not too far

i sure do.

incorruptible:

would you believe me

if i told you i’ve never

done this before?

most people wouldn’t

but it’s not like i’m lying about it

that would be an embarrassing thing

to lie about

being a flirt

doesn’t make me promiscuous

even if i know i come across that way

The Alley of Cross Spitting Hypocrites:

bible thumpers in the alley

screaming sin against god

sin against humanity

but how could it be sinful

to see every muscle

and tendon

stretching and extending

and to find love

and beauty

in it

i just don’t understand

how one could ever hate

so much

and love

so little

yet claim to be a child of christ

christ wouldn’t try to kill

the sinner

and neither should you

NYX Epic Ink Eye Line:

you know i love

your eyes

the thick black band

of the pupil

expanding around the edge

like kohl

in the eyes of a cat

the lashes

you take

when i tell you

you’re wrong

and yet you always come

back for more

Staring Problem:

if we were vampires

i’d drain you dry

i’d try to stop

but god knows i’ve always had a sweet tooth

which is rather funny

because you’re actually quite sour

aren’t you?

i’ve always loved a contradiction though

but maybe i’d be able to pull away

at the last second

leave you with just enough blood

to stare at me

a little gift from me

i know how much you love to do that

Crying During Sex (the poem):

there’s this one song

by ethel cain

she never released it

but it’s got one of my favorite lyrics

of all time in it

it’s easy for him to get out of me

what i’ve been praying will get out of me

that’s what she says

and i’m sure you could guess

why i like it so much

i started writing poetry again for a reason

didn’t i?

Haunted House? (you know who to call):

crimson forefingers

i’m not sure

if that’s about me

but if i’m right

and you’re haunted

by the thought

of me

all i can say is

i’m glad

because you’ve haunted me

since the day we met

bet you didn’t expect that

huh?

poltergeists are often surprised

by the reality they inhabit

and the people who take an interest

in their bad behavior

Little River:

In the city I talk very proper. I use all the right words and phrases, so they never notice my father’s farmer’s tan. In my momma’s house I’m someone else. Thick freckles and Tenni shoes. Running around the woods with my hair tied up with a ponytail holder. Pushing buggies at the Walmart while the teen moms shop for their groceries. I love it here. Gravel roads and bullet holes in the speed limit signs. Poor ole Jacob, sped home after the Rodeo only to join the lord. Rest in peace to him and that cross on the road. I’m sure he’ll be seeing his mamaw soon. Reminds me of the morning doves the day of the hunt. Loud, cold, and reminiscent of something you tasted a long time ago. At that picnic table by the pond.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbzCPmhtye4

&

https://youtu.be/Qz-SHWHvG_s?t=167 :

i’ve always preferred

a man of action

over words

prose and sweet nothings

will only get you so far

i think i’d like to see you try

to apologize for once

on your hands and knees

begging for forgiveness

it’s what i deserve

and what i know you want

so go ahead

sink to the ground for me

it’s where you belong anyways

Okay divas, one last little note here to explain that last one. And I know, death of the author blah blah, who cares? But you will hear me or you will soon go deaf, so listen. That last one isn’t NEARLY as sexual as it sounds, which is a crazy thing to claim I know, but I swear I’m not lying. That’s just me wanting a proper apology from someone. That’s literally it. I just have a very odd way of writing, as you know. Alright that’s all I had to say, hope you enjoyed! I will return after spring break with more bangers trust. :)